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In Memory of Ilene Wasserman, Ph.D. |
The Suffolk County Psychological Association
mourns the loss of our colleague, Ilene Wasserman, PhD who died
tragically on Sunday, along with her husband, Edward Carr, PhD, a
Stony Brook professor. They were hit by a drunk driver on Saturday
afternoon. We extend our deepest sympathy to their son, Aaron, and to their family. Dr. Wasserman was a longtime member of SCPA. She was in private practice in Port Jefferson for many years. A warm, gentle, and well-respected clinician, Dr. Wasserman cared deeply for her patients and always strived to provide them with the best possible treatment. She and her husband will be missed. Helen G. Meyers, PhD President, SCPA Please use this page to write your own remembrance of Ilene, a memory or a tribute. We will be sending them to her son, Aaron.  |
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| Read Other's Comments Below: |
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| I have participated in a peer supervision group with Ilene for the last 15+ years. We have met monthly to discuss practice issues and challenging cases. I am deeply saddened and shocked that she died so suddenly and tragically.
What I will remember most about her as a psychologist is her concern for her patients, her exceptional clinical skills, her ability to understand the underlying dynamics of a case and her determination to provide her patients with the best possible treatment.
What I will remember most about her as a person is her warmth; her joy and pride when she talked about her son; her intellect; her love of movies, especially independent films; our discussions about politics; and the love she and Ted shared.
I will also remember Ilene and Ted coming to my home for my annual holiday party. My non-psychologist friends enjoyed talking to them and often commented on what a nice couple they were and how funny Ted was. He had a great sense of humor.
I have lost a special friend and colleague. Our peer group meetings will not be the same without her. - Barbara Fontana, PhD |
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| Although I did not know Drs. Wasserman and Carr personally, the outpouring of love and great memories speaks volumes. Both touched so many through their work and actions. As an early career psychologist, they set a high standard for those of us starting in the field. I know SCPA will honor their memories by continuing to serve the people of Long Island. - Annie Eckardt |
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| I have known Ilene for close to four years and I am deeply saddended by this sudden and tragic loss. Ilene was such a gifted clinician, one who conveyed warmth, love and empathy to her patients. She had a unique way about her that put people at ease and made them feel comfortable. I will always remember her wonderful sense of humor, her easygoing nature, her remarkable intellect, and her sensitivity. I also had the pleasure of meeting Ilene's husband, Ted, at the SCPA Holiday Party in December. I remember thinking that night that they looked so in love....I also remember them camping out by the bowl of chocolates that they both told me they loved! The last time I saw Ilene was at the June SCPA party and we spoke of her son, Aaron. She was very proud of him. While I have never met Aaron, I have been so impressed by how he has been coping with this tragedy. He seems to be wise beyond his years and have a very big heart, much like his mom. I learned many, many things from Ilene - things I will always hold in my mind and heart. - Jennifer Fay, Psy.D. |
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| Ilene and Ted were a very special couple. My husband and I loved hanging out with them at Barbara's yearly Christmas party. It was such an unexpected pleasure to see them a few weeks ago at SCPA's End of Year Party. My husband and I sat with them at the same table and it was wonderful sharing the evening together. Ilene may have been a petite woman, but boy did she love her desserts! We had so much fun convincing the servers to leave the trays of hors d'oevres at our table so we wouldn't have to chase them down. Though we only got to see Ilene and Ted once a year, I was so impressed by Ilene's memory of previous discussions and her words of wisdom. She must have been an incredibly attentive and gifted clinician! I was also so touched by how special she made me feel at the SCPA party after I received an award. Kind words and wishes so easily flowed from her. I think she simply had a way of making people feel wonderful.
I am heartbroken for their son Aaron's loss. His words of wisdom are a reflection of the fine young man he surely must be. His parents would be very proud. They will be deeply missed. - Diane Sherlip, Ph.D. |
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| Dear Aaron,
I am so sorry for you loss. Both your parents were very dear to me and my wife, Barbara. Your Mom has been a member of our peer group for the past twenty years and her presence will be sorely missed by all of us. She brought a special chemistry to our group and her frequent insights and clinical wisdom regarding cases will be missed greatly. As you know, your Mom and Dad loved movies and she often would share her impressions of movies we’ve yet to see. She was our in-house movie critic; no need to search out reviews anymore when Ilene was there. We always tried to get your Mom to try and eat a little more, the food being especially good at Pasta Pasta where we have met for the past five years. But, she would insist on a salad and no wine. Lately, though, I think we started to corrupt her little bit and she began to order larger portions and have a glass of wine maybe two. She came out to East Hampton for Restaurant Week in April and we had a ball going to Nick & Toni’s. We were all disappointed your Dad couldn’t come because of a professional trip. She was so happy and said she wanted to visit again. We were looking forward to having them out during the summer months and showing them Quail Hill, a community farm.
Our group got to know your Dad over the years as he started to attend some of our group dinners. I first met him in 1983 when he was a young faculty member and I spent a year at Stony Brook. But, it wasn’t until the past five years that I got to know your Dad on a personal basis. What a funny and terrific guy! He would make some ridiculously funny statement and we would all crack up; your Mom would act as his foil. We could all see how deeply in love they both were and how especially proud they were of you. His contributions to autism research are enormous and your Mom’s dedication to helping others so praiseworthy. I attended the memorial Wed. and heard you speak. I can only imagine how difficult it must be. I didn’t know the story about the $15k rabbit or the dying plant, but I am not surprised; both stories capture your Mom and Dad perfectly.
We have an only child, a son born a month earlier than you. As parents, we would often share our thoughts since the time both you and he were little tots. I have not met you personally, but feel I know you nevertheless. I agree that the memory of your parents will endure forever and that no one should allow themselves to become embittered in self-destructive anger. You deserve to be as proud of them as they of you. How can someone make sense of something so senseless? You can’t in a logical rational sense, but must leave it in God’s hands and somehow find meaning to carry-on. In life horrible things happen to good people and those moments can be transformative. Remember that there are so many around you to help you and to be your friend. You are never alone. Your Mom and Dad are with you as are we. If you ever want to talk about anything please call (744-5360). Our prayers are with you constantly and you and your parents will be in our thought always.
Sincerely,
Joseph Czekala
- Joseph Czekala |
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| I was so deeply saddened by the news of the deaths of Dr. Illene Wasserman and her husband Ted Carr. I did not know them, but feel the shock of the loss of such highly esteemed professionals.
Aaron, I am so terribly sorry for your tragic loss. I saw the photos of your parents that you held in a picture on a website. Thank you for the glimpse of you and for letting us see their faces
I am sure that your mother's patients and your father's students are also suffering a terrible loss. It is clear that they have touched many and will be greatly missed.
- Joanna Oleson, Psy.D. |
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| Ilene was a wonderful, caring clinician and human being. I am very saddened by the tragedy and suddeness of her loss. My best wishes to Aaron and hopes that he will find the sustaining memories in her deep caring and love for him over the years. - Mort Kissen Ph.D |
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| I sat with Ilene and Ted at the last SCPA party on June 5th. I was touched and impressed by their closeness and the obvious joy that they felt in doing things together. They spoke with enthusiasm about the many walks that they had shared and looked forward to exploring new nature trails. Although I do not remember meeting them before both my husband and I thought of them as a couple that we would enjoy getting to know better. Their death is our loss.
Marlene Kasman, Ph.D. - |
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| I have had the privlege of knowing Ilene and Ted for 18 years as friends and colleagues. They were truly good, kind, compassionate people who created a beautiful life together. I will miss Ilene's counsel as a colleague as well as her wonderful sense of humor. I will also always cherish memories of times that our families got together for Sunday gatherings when our children were young. Ted always kept everyone laughing. He was a brilliant man totally devoted to his work and family. Ilene and Ted's greatest love, however, was always saved for their son Aaron who they totally adored. Aaron, my heart goes out to you and I pray that the memory of your parents will light your way in life. - Donna Friedman |
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| Dear Aaron,
I first met your parents at a Holiday party held yearly by one of our members. This June I decided to attend the SCPA end of the year party, something I rarely do. Your parents decided to attend this year and we sat together. We laughed all evening. Both of your parents had a great sense of humor.
Your mom and dad had only a short time on this earth but they accomplished a great deal, helping others. I will always remember them as the loving couple that they were. When I heard you speak at their funeral I knew they had done a great job in raising you. You have their kindness, thoughtfulness, caring, and their sense of humor. - Linda Bucaria |
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| Words cannot express my sadness at this senseless tragedy. Even though I only recently met Ilene and Ted, I was so hoping to get to know them better. We first met at the SCPA Holiday party at Barbara Fontana's house last winter. Ilene and I had a longer discussion than is typical of such functions, talking about our work and our families, and the choices we each made to balance both. Having similar theoretical approaches to clinical work and children around the same ages, we exchanged cards and agreed to meet sometime for lunch. Although Ted and I hardly spoke, he graciously offered to do a Friday night workshop on autism next year. At the SCPA End of the Year party, Ilene and I spoke even longer and much of this discussion was about our children, their college choices, and their respective futures. The pride and pleasure that Ilene clearly expressed when talking about Aaron was touching. She was excited for his coming college transfer and hopeful that it would be a great move for him. His maturity and sensitivity were apparent in her comments and her love for Aaron was evident throughout her conversation. Ilene's warmth, compassion, humor were so real and genuine, I again felt that this was someone special, someone I wanted to spend more time with. We again agreed to meet for lunch sometime. Unfortunately, we never had that chance and I feel the loss of someone who I suspect might have become a good friend. My heart goes out to her son and I wish him peace and the bright future his mother wanted for him. If there is anything further that the SCPA community can do for him, I do hope he will reach out to us. - Helen G. Meyers, PhD |
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| Dear Aaron: Please accept the sympathies of myself and my wife. We only very recently had the pleasure of meeting both your parents together during a short trip out East, and it was clear that those trips were a frequent respite they took from work. They were so much fun to talk with. And I have known your mom for over 15 years, but in a slightly different way, sharing office space with her in at least two locations. She and I crossed paths as she left in the evening and I came in to the office. While we didn't talk about the usual professional topics, we chatted many times, and I enjoyed her sense of humor, her sense of caring for her patients, and even her annoyance at our landlord. She always had a kind word or a litle joke, and was always there to greet my patients if I was running late. We covered practices for each other for many years, and I knew my patients were in very good hands while I was away. You seem to have maturity beyond your years, a testament to the fine qualities that your parents have passed on to you. I pray for your healing and success, and know that if you do continue to pursue work in this field, that your future patients will be similarly blessed by your talents as they were by your parents'. - Michael Parrella, PhD |
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| Dear Aaron,
I would like to share with you how sorry I am for the tragic loss of your wonderful parents.
I have been a patient/friend of your dear mother for over a year now. She has been assisting me in dealing with my own life difficulties. Over this time I have come to rely upon her calm and quiet demeanor, her insightful questioning and sage reflections to handle any crisis or simply to talk and plan for my future. She was an extremely talented and caring professional. "Off the clock" I learned a little bit about you- of your interest in Binghamton University, a school my older son recently graduated from. Your mom sought out my opinion, as well as my son's thoughts about the school. While I was going through troubling times with an aging pet, she told me about her pet rabbit and his own health issues. Your mom was more than simply a therapist to me and I believe to all her patients. Her beautiful presence, her words and expert guidance will sustain me for a long time.
Once again please accept my sincerest sympathy at this most difficult time in your young life. Understand that your parents, taken too soon, have left legacies- you their loving son, chief among them. - Barbara G. Pellegrino |
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| Dear Aaron,
As a member of your mom's peer supervision group, I met you on that Sunday night just after we had learner that she, too, was gone. As we took the keys to her office I looked into your sad, swollen eyes and thought, "I don't know how he is goig to cope with such a massive loss". At your parents memorial gathering you showed us all just how to face sudden loss with dignity and strength. Just a day before the incident I had sat across the table from your mom at lunch. She spoke proudly about your future academic plans, while I teased her about the "bird like" portion of food she ordered. This prompted me to call her "birdie" whenever we all dined out together. Her presence always lit up the room and whenever she missed a luncheon it was as if the waiter forgot to light the candle at our table. A few months ago I sat across the table from your dad at a dinner party. As usual we engaged in a "light" political discussion and he always made it interesting. Last fall, following a trip to France, I passed along a container of sand, sea shells and photos of Juno Beach in Normandy after learning from your mom that your dad's uncle gave his life there on D-day. He later explained to me how the suddeness of this loss had such a devastating impact on your grandmother and thanked me for these tokens of his uncle's sacrifice. And now your family must endure yet another sudden and tragic loss. Listening to you speak at your parents' memorial made it clear to me what a wonderful job they did in parenting. In raising such a remarkably strong and resilient young man it is obvious that you are a credit to both of them. Of all their many achievement, you, Aaron, are their finest work. I shall watch with great interest as you fo0llow in their footsteps.
-Bob Quilty - ROBERT QUILTY, Ph.D. |
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| Dear SCPA Members,
Perhaps you did not know Ilene or Ted. While knowing them both makes
the loss profound, not to have known them is a even greater loss.
Please bear with me as I take a moment to share a little bit about
them with those not fortunate enough to have counted them as friends.
It was through her participation in our "nameless" peer supervision
group that Barbara Fontana, Joe Czekala, Bob Quilty, Bea Porter and I
got to know Ilene and, by social extension, Ted. Ilene was always very
serious about her work, often sharing her concerns about troubling
cases and looking for suggestions to make sure she did the right thing
for her patients. But Ilene always laughed easily at herself or the
silliness of a situation. When we met Ted we understood why they were
a matched pair. Despite his imposing intellect and his deep passion
for his work in autism, his sense of humor could always be counted on
to bring things back to a place of resounding sensibility. As easily
as we shared ideas with them, we more easily laughed with them. Now
gone is the "sweet fragile bird" of our peer group who loved movies; gone
too is the towering intellect by her side who loved his garden. They
were both - in their respective spheres - good if not great models of
professional psychology: two people who knew the wisdom of the adage:
take your work seriously but not yourself. We who knew them will miss
them beyond what words could express.
- Michael Canzoniero |
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| Dear Aaron,
As you read above, I was a member of your mother's peer group but more importantly, I considered your mother, and more recently your father, friends. They came to dinner parties held at my house the last couple of years and everyone there could tell how beautifully matched they were. Seeing them together made real the concept of "soulmates"!
I just wanted to tell that of all the tributes that you will hear about your folks, the greatest compliment is that they raised such a fine son! - Michael Canzoniero |
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| I met Ilene when she was a graduate student at Fordham University at Lincoln Center in 1978. She was working at the College Counselling Center and she became my therapist. I can't even describe how much she meant to me and helped me in the seven years in which I saw her. From a graduate student to earning her PhD she showed how much she cared for her clients. Her dedication never waivered. Although I have not seen Ilene in many years I always wondered about her. I wanted her to see what became of me, that she had helped me to succeed. Any therapist I saw after her NEVER compared to her. I am so sorry for her family's loss, the psychological profession's loss and the world's loss. - Michelle Cifarelli |
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